You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
