allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
