Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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