We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
