I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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