k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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