he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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