Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
