we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
