i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize