my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
