How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
