take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
