did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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