I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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