Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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