They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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