Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
