I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
