i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
