There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
