Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize