Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
