a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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