please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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