I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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