Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
