How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Oh god it's open bar.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
