I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
