i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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