You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
last night I used snow as a chaser
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
