We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
