he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
