When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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