Don't make out with my wife yet
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize