Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
