the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
