There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
