To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
