I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
