she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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