I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
