I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
