I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
