When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
