Nicole vs. Life
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize