I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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