Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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