dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
