so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
