There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
