Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
