True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My dick has a subreddit
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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