Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
