the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
