How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
