I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
