I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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