Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
