Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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