so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
