I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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