I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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