I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize