If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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