I wish I could teleport
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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