too bad you live with your parents still
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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