Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize