3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
