You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
