I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
