I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize