I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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