Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
