I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize