Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
