Kiss
Puke
I wanna bring you to show and tell
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
