Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
