she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
