Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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