Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
