Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
