If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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