Taylor Swift is so right about you.
North Korea, Best Korea!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize