Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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