:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
