I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
