Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize