he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
