I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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