He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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