Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
