When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we're making bets on your personal life
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
