I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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